There is a serious lack of communication when it comes to S-E-X.  We talk openly about religion, politics, kids, parents, books, movies, eating, travelling, sleeping and just about everything.  But we almost always avoid discussing our personal attitudes about sex.  “Cheating” occurs when there is a breach in the agreement a couple makes about the boundaries of their relationship.  But partners often don’t know what this contract is because it’s assumed, unspoken.  Be clear about what you expect, want, and won’t tolerate in your relationship.  It will help keep you both honest and accountable.

When it comes to infidelity, partners often have very different ideas about monogamy.  Cheating used to be easy to define.  The traditional common law definition of “adultery” is sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse.  Today the concept of “cheating” applies to all kinds of committed relationships, married and unmarried, heterosexual and gay.

Some people think infidelity starts with a kiss.  In other words, physical contact constitutes cheating.  But there are many ways you can destroy a relationship without being physical.  More than ever, divorces today are blamed on “social networking.”  Online resources make infidelity more tempting today than in the past.  So talk to your partner.  See if you can broach the subject of what monogamy means.  Is flirting on Facebook cheating?  What about texting a member of the opposite sex?  How would you feel about your partner confiding in another woman/man?  Is going to a strip club cheating?  Dancing closely?  Would you consider your partner’s going out to lunch with an intimate friend an emotional affair.  What about flirting?  Is having webcam sex or masturbating cheating?

Research suggests that infidelity is a contributing factor in approximately 70% of divorces.  Long-term relationships and marriages end every day due to infidelity.  Although there are couples who try to work through the ordeal, cheating is often the deal-breaker, or at least casts a dark shadow over the relationship for a long time.  So it is important in any partnership to identify the parameters of cheating.  It’ll likely be awkward and delicate.  But a discussion about infidelity could save you many arguments and a great deal of emotional pain.  Talk to your partner.  Don’t let your relationship suffer, or end, because you didn’t.

Fall DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) groups are starting September 12 – five groups are available for those interested in addressing Emotional Regulation skills. To discuss this opportunity, call Terri Hanson at 323-0924. Currently one group is for younger women (around 20), one is for teens and three are mixed groups. The next ten-week group which starts in January 2012 will focus on Distress Tolerance.

Just think about how happy you’d be if you lost everything and everyone you have right now…and then, somehow, got them back again.                                                                            Kobi Yamada

I think we’d APPRECIATE everything and everyone more, too!

The Open Box is a non-profit project designed to provide guidance, support and creative opportunities for at-risk or underserved adolescent girls from the community.  The project seeks to promote empowerment by integrating theatre arts, mental health, and social justice.  The goal of The Open Box Project is to promote and engage in open discussions of a variety of mental health issues including depression, discrimination, and adolescent sexuality and desire.

Check out this poem written by one of The Group’s newest members:

 Alcohol

         We were best friends, so I thought

         You treated me so well, so I thought

         You loved me, so I thought

         And I thought I loved you too

         We use to hang out at the park

         Or just in the basement with some friends

         But I’m so glad that it’s over between us now

        You led me on thinking we were good friends

         I can’t believe how naïve I was

         So again

         I’m glad to say

         it’s OVER!

  Haliegh, age 15, Bismarck, ND

Top four sexual health problems reported by women:

1. Low sexual desire or discrepant desire in couples
2. Anorgasmia (or the inability to achieve orgasm even with adequate stimulation)
3. Painful intercourse (also known as dyspareunia)
4. Recovery from sexual trauma

Top four sexual health problems reported by men:

1. Low sexual desire or discrepant desire in couples
2. Erectile dysfunction
3. Rapid and/or delayed ejaculation
4. Compulsive sexual behavior including internet and porn use

Email us your sexual health question at info@chambersandblohm.com.  All questions and responses will be posted anonymously on this website.

Established in 2001, Chambers and Blohm Psychological Services, P.C., is a private practice dedicated to promoting wellness and treatment for a variety of mental health issues. Chambers and Blohm’s mission is to provide quality mental health care to improve the lives of clients and their families. To achieve this mission, staff at Chambers and Blohm offers a broad range of mental health services to people of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds. Chambers and Blohm Psychological Services is recognized as having the highest quality staff and providing effective, culturally-competent services.